I genuinely hope you’re enjoying yourself there right now, in your last night way over there. You deserve all the the happiness in the world, and I won’t get in the way of that.

Though the thing is, I need you right now.

More than ever.

It’s like everything is going wrong with my life right now, everything’s converging into some big crisis that I don’t want to be in.

I need you, I need you to talk to me and tell me everything will be okay. I need you to tell me that you wish you could hug me right now, I need you to show that you care because you’re wonderful at doing that.

But you can’t right now, and I won’t ask you to. You’re too wonderful to not be happy all the time, and I honestly feel like I’m going to be in the way of that. I feel like I can’t give you the happiness you oh so deserve, compared to all the happiness and joy you bring me.

I’m sorry. I’m a wreck. You’re all that I need, but I’m out of my league. You deserve much better than me.

You’re wonderful in every single way, never forget that.

Well, this is awkward.

I’m in this weird, completely new situation, yet, somehow I can’t help but feel it to be oddly familiar.

I’m not entirely sure what I should do, should I listen to my heart or follow the signs?

Usually what happens to me is that my heart says nothing, it just responds to the signs that come my way, and eventually I fall off the metaphorical cliff that is love. (in a good way!)

But this time, it’s something weird. My heart is telling me that the cliff is one way, but the signs are pointing another way. And like any other normal adolescent male, I have no idea where to go and what to follow.

That’s both the danger and the thrill of it, though. Not knowing where either one leads. They could be both leading to the same cliff, or two different places entirely.

And hell, it’s going to be a journey.

I’ve been through way too much to make another mistake, been through too much for me to know better than this. To know by now where to go and what to do.

Something tells me that if I continue to follow my heart, the same thing will happen again. The same old Gio cycle and God knows no one wants that to happen.

Yet, something also tells me that this time it’ll be different. This time, Gio, everything actually will be okay.

Though so far, I’ve been doing a little bit of both. Going back and forth between the paths that my heart and signs are telling me to go. But it’s come to a point where they’re too far apart from each other to keep doing what I’m doing.

I can’t deny the fact that signs so far have been making sense, and they’re supposed to.

But damn, so far, for /once/ in recent memory, my heart is making a lot of sense too. And I’ve been very, very happy to realise that.

I haven’t been this happy in a very, very long time. I have my heart to thank for that, and a certain someone that’s helped it along the way.

I’ve made my choice to follow my heart and see where that leads me. So far, it’s been leading me to be very happy with everything and I can’t ask for much more.

It’s been picturesque, really, what’s happened and what’s happening, it’s almost too good to be true. I used to be scared of all this, that it might just all slowly disappear and reveal that yeah, it’s not all smiles, giggles, cheese, and awws, but the way it’s shaping up to be, I really feel that it’ll all be worth it in the end.

I really feel,

That this fairytale start won’t just be a start.
That her princess-like being isn’t just for now.
That my perfect image of her won’t change.

That everything bad that comes won’t ruin what we have and what we’ve had.
That all the hardships along the way will be worth going through for us.

And that she will be worth all of it and much more.

I puked for the second time in six years tonight.

Not because I was sick, intoxicated, or anything remotely close to that. I was sober.

But I was just disgusted.

Disgusted with the thought of the news I received from you.

I was already disappointed about how you’ve been since what happened, but I know I couldn’t say anything about it, knowing very well that I wasn’t doing so well for myself either.

But this, I mean what the fuck.

I was worried as hell about you, I told you I’d be here for you as a friend, but I didn’t know you’ll pull something like this off. I have my limits too, you know.

All I’ve EVER asked from you was for you to take care of yourself and you’ve always assured me that you have. But seriously? I didn’t even know you were capable of something like this.

I let a LOT of things slide, but what the fuck.

What
The
Fuck

But what can I do, I love her.

kiss me back, Listen more oh
kiss me back, listen more
kiss me back, listen more
Yeah, no no no

Face down in the brown grass
Shame shame on my brown ass
Birds in the trees as we run through
And if I’m dead to the world, what you gon’ do? What you gon’ do?
Like, (I can’t remember), Shot’s fired, rewind, please girl be mine
Email denied, talk to me baby
Before we go crazy, might do it maybe
We were so Jay Z & Beyonce, my aunt say “keep the sex game picante”
So Aunt May, the Mary Jane that I was hitting on
We were trying to forget there was something wrong
Love is Russian roulette, I had the safety on
We popped pills at the Coachella
Put my hand in the weeds, man I can’t tell her
The fear that I feel man it might kill her
Man it might kill her, it’s the prep school mic killa’
With the drums and the groove so it feel Dilla
I don’t care what he say
I’m a get my platinum back like I’m a half ton gorilla
You can hang, but homie, on the low
But your boy sound weak like a week ago
But we ain’t speaking though… we ain’t speaking though

Tuesday afternoon, I ain’t got shit to do

kiss me back, listen more oh
kiss me back, listen more
kiss me back, listen more
Yeah, no no no

She’s not everything I want in a girl, far from it actually.

But I know that she’s everything I need.

And well, I’m incredibly, madly, and wholeheartedly hers.

I want to sweep her off her feet the way she sometimes does with me. I want to take her breath away with what I do to her, again the same way she does to me.

I will do everything in my power to make those immaculate lips of hers utter the word “Yes” to me when I do ask her to become my girlfriend.

I am truly mesmerised by the wonder, magnificence, and perfection that is her.

She has me like none other ever has, and I just want Nicole, with those majestic eyes, magnetising cheeks, breathtaking gaze, and wondrous being of hers,

to be mine one day.

punnier:

what do you call a gay cow?

homoosexual

(via gnarly)